


She Will Be Loved

by calendarpages



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, Canon Compliant, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 01:30:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calendarpages/pseuds/calendarpages
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kate Hummel has always had an interesting relationship with love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_All around me are familiar faces_  
Worn out places, worn out faces  
Bright and early for their daily races  
Going nowhere, going nowhere

_Their tears are filling up their glasses_  
No expression, no expression  
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow  
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

_And I find it kinda funny_  
I find it kinda sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying  
Are the best I've ever had  
I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles  
It's a very, very mad world

\- _Mad World_ by Gary Jules

 

Katherine Elizabeth Hummel was not a very nice person. She'd tried that angle before and it got her nowhere. Middle school had been hell. She'd been sweet and honest, a perfect picture of blushing innocence. She’d also been lonely, cripplingly so, always hidden behind a book or a fashion magazine. Kids had ignored her; the boys because she apparently had "cooties" and the girls because she'd refused to prank call Becky Jackson, the class retard, at a sleepover in sixth grade. After that night, the gossip had spread like wildfire and suddenly nobody would talk to her anymore. Kate had approached Brittany, who was supposedly her best friend, and begged for explanations. Britt had just smiled and said, "You're a chicken and chickens are no fun." And so Kate resigned herself to being alone. She watched as her old friends teased Becky mercilessly and on bad days, she almost wished that they would come over and tease her too because at least then she wouldn't feel so invisible all the time.

Sometimes Kate got angry. She screamed and cried and pouted, threw full on temper tantrums the likes of which her father hadn't seen since the months after she'd lost her mother. Her dad didn't know what to make of it. He asked her over and over if there was anything he could do to help but Kate just slammed her door in his face and sobbed into her pillow until she fell asleep. At night her dreams were plagued with visions of the girls at school. She'd call out to them, waving her arms and screaming until her throat grew hoarse but they always looked right through her. She would wake up drenched in a cold sweat, head throbbing and eyes burning, and pinch herself repeatedly just to remind herself that she was real.

Her graduation from eighth grade was a solemn affair. She hadn't been invited to any parties and yet Kate still felt the need to go all out on her appearance for the ceremony. She went to the mall alone and spent the entire day searching for the perfect dress, eventually settling on a little plum number with an empire waist, satin bodice and short, taffeta skirt. She curled her hair, and did her makeup slowly and meticulously, like she'd watched her mother do every morning before she died. When she was done, she looked like a painted porcelain doll, perfect and fragile and hauntingly beautiful. As Kate took the stage and accepted her diploma from the principle, everyone in the auditorium stopped and stared at the gorgeous creature gracing them all with her presence. Kate flashed the audience a blinding smile and in that moment, she didn't feel invisible at all.

High school was Kate's second chance and she took it on full force. She morphed to fit the stereotype, attending cheerleading camp and discovering a natural flexibility and grace that had her promoted to the top of the pyramid by the end of the summer. Her entire wardrobe got donated and she finally took some tips from the Vogue magazines she loved so much, replacing her sweaters and jeans with gaudy outfits that looked like they belonged on a runway. Clothing became her art form, everyday was an opportunity for fashion and as a female, her love for clothing was encouraged. It didn't hurt that absolutely everything looked good on her, though. Teenage boys thought with their dicks and if she had a couple of football players in her back pocket and a spot on the Cheerios, nobody would dare cross her.

Her first day at McKinley went marvelously. In the morning, she slipped on a sinful black minidress and pointy ankle boots that made her look dangerous. The overall effect of the outfit was delicious; she'd been ogled shamelessly by at least two upperclassmen and Quinn Fabray, the head cheerleader and most popular girl at school, had invited her to sit at the Cheerios' private lunch table. Brittany from Middle School had been there and Kate hadn't paid her a second glance, preferring instead to discuss cheerleading tryouts with Quinn. In sixth period Geometry, the boy sitting next to Kate had introduced himself as Matt Rutherford and asked her out. When she questioned his motives he'd simply said, "You're a hot cheerleader and I'm a hot football player, that's just the way high school works."

Kate got her first kiss a week later, pressed up against Matt's car, with his toned arms bracketing her shoulders. It was wet and messy and he tasted like the huge plate of pasta they'd shared at BreadstiX, all garlic and sickly sweet tomato sauce. It started off okay but Kate had to fight to stop herself from gagging when Matt's tongue slithered halfway down her throat. Tears pricked insistently at her eyes as Matt drove her home, blathering on about some video game he'd ordered and the next football game he'd be playing in. When Matt walked her up to her front porch with an arm slung around her waist she fought pitifully to push down the heavy feeling of _wrong_ that had settled in her gut. Quinn already had a boyfriend and if she was going to be co-captain of the squad by the end of the year, she had to have one too.

"So we should do this again," said Matt and Kate glanced nervously to the window where her father was standing and watching them with a murderous glint in his eyes.

A clipped nod, a couple of batts of her eyelashes and a quick kiss to his cheek were all it took to get Matt off the porch, whistling a tune and half skipping to his car. The lecture Kate had to stomach from her father and the surge of nausea every time Matt kissed her were well worth the thrill of power she got when Coach Sylvester made her co-captain two months later.

Freshman year melted into Sophomore and Matt and Kate were still going strong. Kate had won back the admiration of Brittany and, by extension, Santana, and the three were inseparable. Quinn jokingly referred to them as the "Unholy Trinity" but Kate didn't mind in the slightest because in the end, it turned out to be Quinn who was unholy when she showed up one day to Cheerios practice and proceeded to run to the bathroom every ten minutes. Kate knew morning sickness when she saw it. Quinn's pregnancy was the best thing that had ever happened to Kate, and any guilt she felt was easily squashed when Coach Sylvester made her head Cheerio and top of the pyramid. This meant she had far less time to spend with Matt, which was a relief because he was pushing more and more for them to go farther and Kate wasn't sure she could stop herself from vomiting if they ever made it past second base.

Glee club wasn't even on Kate's radar until Coach Sylvester called her, Britt and Santana into her office and enlisted them as spies to go undercover and sabotage Will Schuester's motley crew of singing losers. Kate shrugged and agreed, mentally scrolling through her iPod for an appropriate song for them to audition with. Music was her guilty pleasure and when she wasn't hell bent on becoming the world's next Coco Chanel she often fantasized about the Broadway stage. But now wasn't the time for Broadway. Coach had informed them that the club dynamic rested on the relationship of their star Rachel Berry with the dopey quarterback Finn Hudson. The drama concerning Quinn's baby daddy had blown over Kate's head but she'd heard from Santana that Quinn had cheated on Finn with Puck, McKinley's self declared badass and that it had resulted in a messy break up. This was yet another reason why Kate kept Matt around, relationship drama was a stress that most high schoolers endured but that she avoided at all costs. Frankly, she was fairly sure she wouldn't even care if Matt cheated on her. It wasn't like she loved him, hell, she didn't even like him. He was a trophy boyfriend and this seemed to make him perfectly happy as long as he got to touch her boobs every once in a while.

It turns out that they joined Glee just in time for Invitationals. Finn is practically drooling by the time Kate finishes her sexually charged cover of The Pussycat Dolls' "Don't Cha" backed enthusiastically by Santana and Brittany. Rachel looks crushed and Kate is more than smug. If all she has to do to bring down the Glee club is seduce Finn Hudson, than this whole operation is going to be a piece of cake. 

It turns out that Glee is actually kind of fun. Everything is spontaneous; one minute they're talking among themselves, Kate doing her best to flirt with Finn in a blatantly obvious way and Rachel looking on with rage in her eyes, and the next they're up and belting out some cheesy 80's song at the top of their lungs. Kate would never admit it, but she loves the Glee club. It feels like the only place where she can really be herself and that scares her. Because the real Kate couldn't stand wearing a Cheerios' uniform to school everyday and probably wouldn't be popular or dating a football player. She would be one of these Glee club losers, singing her heart out and expressing herself instead of bottling it all up like she tends to do.

Sectionals comes and goes. They win, of course, despite some drama with a leaked set list courtesy of Coach Sylvester. For a second Kate feels like confronting Coach and using the icy wit she's developed to give that awful woman a piece of her mind but then she snaps back to reality and remembers that Coach Sylvester is the only reason she isn't invisible anymore. She keeps her mouth shut.

A couple of weeks later Glee does Gaga and Kate is in heaven. She loves Lady Gaga. Like really, really loves her and the assignment gives Kate a reason to act on her crazy designer impulses and create an outfit worthy of Mother Monster herself. While looking through web pages on Gaga for inspiration, Kate stumbles across an article on Lady Gaga's efforts with the LGBT community. That night, Matt comes over and they hole up in Kate's room to "watch a movie". When Matt rolls over and pins Kate beneath him, Kate closes her eyes and pictures a woman working over her, licking into her mouth and sliding her hands up Kate's highly sensitive torso. She imagines sweet smelling perfume and fruity lip balm and tracing her hands reverently over soft curves. Just that is enough to make Kate gasp, and Matt responds enthusiastically, pressing his body down against hers and the fantasy is gone and Kate just feels stifled. When Matt leaves, Kate takes a long shower, turning up the water as hot as it goes and scrubbing furiously at her skin.

Some drama with the Glee club's Regionals competition, Vocal Adrenaline and a beau of Rachel Berry's (who Kate vaguely remembers having been at McKinley for a couple of weeks) comes to a head and a distraught Tina Cohen-Chang summons the entire club to the auditorium where they proceed to have their asses handed to them. On their own turf. It's pathetic really and it freaks Kate out how much she cares about their chances at Regionals. All the while though, Kate is silently floundering. Lesbian. Could she really be a lesbian? The internal turmoil is deafening. Sometimes Kate sits in the middle of a crowded classroom and hears nothing but the battle of right and wrong being fought in her head. It shouldn't be this hard, it just shouldn’t. 

Admitting to herself was easiest, it explained so much. She'd always thought boys were stupid anyway. She craved the feminine touch, the brush of soft fingertips across soft skin. Admitting to her dad was harder. She practiced for hours in her room, "Dad, there's something I need to tell you, I'm a lesbian. Dad, I love girls. Dad, I'm gay." In the end, it just kind of slipped out in the middle of some inconsequential conversation and for a second it had looked like her fears were confirmed when her dad got up out of his chair and walked purposely over to where she stood, an intense look in his eyes. But instead of hitting her or throwing her out, he wrapped his broad arms around Kate's shoulders and let her soak his flannel shirt with tears. The next day, Kate broke up with Matt. He yelled and she just nodded and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before turning on her heel and leaving without another word.

Friday night, Mr. Schue holds a get together at his house to pick songs for Regionals and word gets out that Coach Sylvester is one of the judges. Kate has personal experience with Coach's utter detestation of the Glee club and a familiar need to lash out coils in her stomach and she stays silent the entire evening for fear of snapping and going off at one of her _friends_. They are her friends, Kate thinks and she comes to the sad realization that she's never really had friends before. And that is why, come Monday, Kate stomps into Coach Sylvester's office and finally stands up to her. It feels like a release, Coach Sylvester stands for everything fake about Kate that she is trying to purge and attacking her feels like severing the last ties she has to the lie she's been living for the past two years.

"You're such a small, small person Coach Sylvester. You think that people hang on your every word when they really just hang on the off chance that maybe if they put up with your crap, you might just leave them alone," she snaps, her neatly manicured claws digging into the cheap varnish on Coach's desk. "You're nothing but a big bully, wrapped up in your own insecurities. You hate the world and you're surprised when the world hates you right back."

Quitting the Cheerios is like lifting a weight off her shoulders and Kate leaves Coach Sylvester's office feeling, for the first time in a while, like an entirely free woman.

That weekend is Regionals and Kate gives the best performance of her life. As the Glee club stumbles offstage, high on adrenaline and the smell of hairspray, Quinn doubles over with a gasp and out of nowhere, her mother is there, stroking her hair and calling her "Quinny". Kate doesn't know Quinn as well as she should, considering their brief friendship freshman year, but she does know that her parents kicked her out when they found out she was pregnant. Quinn and her mother disappear out the back stage door and the majority of the Glee club follows, identical looks of shock and concern on their faces. 

Kate lingers backstage and watches Vocal Adrenaline perform, half impressed, half disgusted by their robotic dance steps and pitch perfect vocals. They are a well-oiled machine, utterly devoid of passion but maybe that's a good thing sometimes. Later, once the New Directions have returned from the hospital, bringing news of a baby girl named Beth, they accept their third place title with a surprising amount of grace for a club whose emotions are so notoriously unpredictable.

Rachel Berry calls an emergency Glee meeting after school the following Monday and Kate is more than happy to attend. Kate knows that this is a goodbye. She's well aware of the deal that Mr. Schue had to make with Figgins to start the Glee club in the first place and it just makes her hate McKinley even more. The fact that she could be denied the one positive thing in her life makes Kate feel useless and empowered at the same time. She wants to fight back, she really does, but she has absolutely no idea how.

Kate shows up to the choir room looking utterly fabulous in ripped black skinny jeans and a French inspired long-sleeved shirt. She takes a seat beside Tina, immediately complimenting her hairpiece and smiling shyly. Tina looks utterly taken aback by the sudden attention but responds sincerely with a little giggle and an honest compliment in return. Rachel and Finn show up looking comically distraught, but their intentions are good and the club as a whole decides that a goodbye number for Mr. Schue is in order. They choose To Sir With Love and rehearse for the better part of two hours, perfecting the harmonies and trying to get through the entire performance without crying.

The performance goes perfectly and Kate does her best to cry beautifully, like her mother taught her. She'd come home one afternoon when she was six or seven with a scraped knee and her mother had clucked and fretted and used far more Neosporin than was strictly necessary, just as Kate had expected when she'd appeared in the kitchen with tears pouring down her sun kissed cheeks.

"If you want to look pretty when you cry," her mother had said as she carefully placed a Hello Kitty bandage on Kate's wound and kissed it softly, "relax your face muscles and just let the tears fall naturally."

As the glee club makes to exit the stage, Kate calls out to them. A leap of faith, a cry for help. They all turn.

"Wait," she says, swallowing heavily and not quite trusting her own voice, "I have something I need to say."

Kate waits, standing awkwardly in the middle of the stage and feeling far too exposed for this moment in her life, until all of her friends have returned to their stools and are eyeing her expectantly. Brittany looks surprisingly coherent, as if she knows what's coming, and maybe she does. Mr. Schue appears in the wings and his brows are furrowed in that overenthusiastic way that they do when he's confused.

Kate has practiced this speech so many times in her bathroom mirror and it flows from her mouth like water, smooth and cleansing in its simplicity.

"Glee club saved me from myself," she pauses for a second, letting the statement sink in. "Before Glee, I wasn't honest with myself or with my loved ones about who I was. You guys saved me from letting that lie become my reality and I want to thank you for that."

"I'm gay," she says with a curt little nod that sends her neatly curled hair bouncing, "that is the real me, and I hope that you can look past that and love me despite it, because Glee club is all I have and I really need some friends right now."

Her voice breaks towards the end and that certainly wasn't planned. With an undignified sniffle, she averts her eyes and watches her friends through her eyelashes, tears beginning to pool as the silence settles, heavy and daunting.

Surprisingly enough, it's Tina who gets up first. She hops silently down from her stool and walks towards Kate, her arms outstretched. Kate doesn't move until Tina has her arms wrapped around her and suddenly sobs are wracking her slender body, and when exactly did she start crying? Burying her face in Tina's shoulder she cries and cries and cries, fisting her hands feebly in the front of Tina's polyester dress. When she looks up, the entire Glee club is surrounding them, arms interlocked in a big, protective group hug.

"We love you because you're you, not despite it," says Tina and presses a quick kiss to Kate's cheek.

They don't look at her differently and that is what Kate is most thankful for. Puck still stares at her cleavage when she wears revealing dresses and Tina still kisses her on the cheek when they greet in the hallways ("Like the French, Katie, like the French."). Sophomore year is laid to rest like an old friend, its departure is not without tears but the memories live on and for once in a very long time, Kate goes to sleep on the last day of school with absolutely no regrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from the song She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5 and the chapter title and song lyrics at the beginning of the chapter are from Mad World by Gary Jules.


	2. The Sounds of Silence

_Hello darkness, my old friend_   
_I've come to talk with you again_   
_Because a vision softly creeping_   
_Left its seeds while I was sleeping_   
_And the vision that was planted in my brain_   
_Still remains_

_And in the naked light I saw_  
 _Ten thousand people, maybe more_  
 _People talking without speaking_  
 _People hearing without listening_  
 _People writing songs that voices never share_  
 _And no one dared_  
 _Disturb the sound of silence_

\- _The Sounds of Silence_ by Simon & Garfunkel

 

Kate decided internally that Junior year would be her second chance. She would start fresh, forgive herself all the misguided choices she'd made and give happiness another go. Over the summer, Tina and Mike had somehow woven themselves seamlessly into her life. Tina was as sweet as ever, and the perfect shopping buddy, especially considering she always brought Mike along to carry both her and Kate's bags. Mike and Kate bonded over Harry Potter of all things. They stayed up until the wee hours of the morning to gain early access to Pottermore, sprawled out together on Mike's bed while Tina slept peacefully, pressed up against Mike's side.

When school starts, Tina links arms with Kate when they walk to class together, seemingly unperturbed by the whispers that follow in their wake like ripples in a pond. The other girls from New Directions are there too, of course, but none of them reach out to Kate quite like Tina.

Meanwhile at home, Kate's father has won the affections of some mom he met at a PTA meeting. Kate and her father's mysterious new love interest haven't been introduced yet but if the looks Finn has been shooting her is any indication, Kate has a sneaking suspicion that Carole Hudson, Finn's widowed mother, is the lady that has stolen her father's heart. Kate's speculations are confirmed when Burt oh so casually suggests that she, "get to know Finn a bit better" one night at dinner. Kate knows that this has absolutely nothing to do with her sexuality, but she plays that card if only to fluster her father enough to force him to make real intentions clear. One awkward dinner at BreadstiX later (Carole and Burt play footsie under the table and Finn and Kate have to pretend they don't notice) and Kate is suitably acquainted with Ms. Hudson. Carole is nice and extremely maternal, something Kate has missed desperately. There have been times, especially in the past few months, when Kate ached for a motherly figure to turn to and she secretly hopes that maybe Carole could be that person.

But in Kate's life, things never seem to go as she hopes they will. Her friends call her a pessimist, but it's more than that, a state of mind bred from small town ideals beating down the heart of one destined for more. Kate is jaded and all too aware of how cruel and fake people can be. On Monday morning, Kate and her father have a minor spat over Kate wanting to miss Friday Night Dinner to attend a performance by the local dance company with Mike and Tina. It's nothing serious, but it still leaves Kate with a sinking feeling in her gut that refuses to go away. 

That afternoon, when Ms. Pillsbury and Mr. Schue pull her out of French class and inform her that her father is in a coma, Kate follows them to the hospital without a word. Kate hasn't felt this numb since her mother's funeral. The feeling of watching a person you've loved more than life itself be buried is indescribable, and something Kate would never wish on anyone. 

She feels betrayed.

 It settles like a strange heaviness in her extremities and she has to clench her fists to stop from punching something. It's as if fate has something against her; first her mother is taken after a year long battle with cancer and now her father is in much the same position, confined to a hospital bed, teetering on the line between life and death. Kate bows her head and hopes that this time, life will win.

Everything feels grey while her father is in the hospital. Kate usually prides herself in exuding color and vibrancy at all times, both from her clothes and her attitude. Watching her father slowly slip away is maddening. She has no idea how she should be feeling and the uncertainty of it all builds a constant swell of frustration that has her stretched thin enough to snap at any moment. 

Where is the crippling guilt over the last words they'd exchanged? Where is the nauseating grief over coming so close to losing the one person who means absolutely everything? It all feels eerie and detached, as though she's watching a movie starring herself and gawking at all of the misery she is subjected to. If she wasn't in so deep, she might laugh because it certainly feels ridiculous, the amount of emotional battery one teenager can withstand before she breaks.

Finn gets mad at her for not telling him when Burt was hospitalized, because apparently they're a family now and family means you get let into places like hospital rooms even when nobody wants you there. Finn yells and Kate just sits and takes it, staring up into his washed out brown eyes and wondering what any of the other girls see in him. In the end, she simply nods and says that he and Carole are free to visit Burt anytime they'd like and this seems to pacify him. That evening, Carole shows up on Kate's doorstep with a nervous Finn in tow and a fresh dish of lasagna steaming her arms. Kate lets Carole putter about the kitchen and serve up the food despite her desire to do anything but sit down for a meal with Hudsons. The pasta is good and for a second Kate is guilty for enjoying it because it's this kind of fatty, carb heavy diet that caused her father's heart attack in the first place. Carole looks up nervously from her own food and notices Kate's pained expression.

"The cheese and sauce are low fat and low sodium and the pasta is whole wheat," she says with a little smile.

Kate almost cries.

In Glee club, for once, Kate lets herself float. She doesn't try to latch onto silly arguments over faith and religion or any of that other nonsense that Kate truly believes _is_ nonsense. She doesn't consider herself a particularly logical person, passion is much more her game, but she has to draw the line somewhere. God feels like an ever-present father figure in her life, someone she worked to try to please but who constantly rejected her, told her she wasn't good enough. Homosexuality was the last straw - that's when she finally gave up on God and started trying to please her real father instead. Mercedes informs Kate that she had her church dedicate Sunday Mass to her father. Kate hugs Mercedes and whispers thanks in her ear but the warmth of gratitude is absent and instead of being reassuring, Mercedes' efforts just serve to make Kate feel even emptier.

When Mr. Schue approaches her about singing something for Glee, Kate wants to scoff and say that the last thing she wants to be doing is singing some bleeding heart song about loss for a room full of self-involved teenagers. Instead she nods and smiles in that earnest way she's practiced for situations like these when she wants to avoid confrontation at all costs. That night when she visits her dad she scrolls through her iPod with one hand and grasps her father's with the other. She chooses The Gambler by fun. partly for the purpose of educating the music taste of her fellow Glee club members but mostly because it reminds her somehow of her mom and dad together, back when they were whole, an unbroken family with so much future to look forward to together.

The next day in Glee, Kate interrupts one of Mr. Schue's ramblings with a little cough and, thankfully, he seems to understand because he gives her a nod and gestures for her to take the floor. Without premise, Kate sits down at the piano (politely displacing Brad in the process) and begins the light piano introduction, smiling wistfully. Her voice is undoubtedly too high for the song, so she's adjusted the key and slowed it down a little in a way that makes the music sound nostalgic and cold, like the memory of a snowy winter morning half forgotten with time.

_Slow down,_  
we've got time left to be lazy  
All the kids have bloomed from babies into flowers in our eyes.  
We've got 50 good years left to spend out in the garden  
I don't care to beg your pardon,  
We should live until we die.

_We were barely 18 when we'd crossed collective hearts._  
It was cold, but it got warm when you'd barely crossed my eye.  
and then you turned, put out your hand,  
and you asked me to dance.  
I knew nothing of romance, but it was love at second sight.

Kate's heard the story of her parent's romance many times. It hurts to think about her father losing something so pure and perfect. Kate wants love like her parents had, but her desire is tinged with fear because having that level of connection with another person means taking the same risk her parents did. Kate likes to think that the years her father had with his wife were worth the residual pain and emptiness that she left him with but the doubt and the callousness are often hard to avoid. For the first time since she began the piece, Kate looks up and is surprised to see that many of her audience are in tears. The performance is very personal and the faces that are watching her with varying degrees of pity and awe almost feel like an intrusion.

_I swear when I grow up, I won't just buy you a rose._  
I will buy the flower shop, and you will never be lonely.  
Even if the sun stops waking up over the fields  
I will not leave, I will not leave 'till it's our time.  
So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side.

_You think that I nearly lost you_  
When the doctors tried to take you away.  
But like the night you took my hand beside the fire  
30 years ago to this day

_You swore you'd be here 'til we decide that it's our time_  
Well it's not time, you've never quit in all your life.  
So just take my hand, you know that I'll never leave your side.  
You're the love of my life, you know that I'll never leave your side.

Kate doesn't realize until she plucks out the last note of the song that she's crying. The tears are running hot and hard down her face, and she sheepishly paws at her eyes, sniffing quietly. Tina gets up from her seat, patting Mike's hand reassuringly when he tries to follow, and pulls Kate from her perch on the piano bench. Without question, Kate follows her out of the choir room and down the hall to the girl's bathroom where Tina proceeds to fix her mascara in the most clichéd version of comfort Kate has ever known. It feels wonderful and normal and when the pair returns to Glee, Kate feels better than she has in a while.

The next day Finn sings a song about "losing his religion" and Kate realizes how lost she's been without her dad. She knows that she doesn't believe in God but she believes in her father and she needs him to be okay. Kate goes to the hospital that night and breaks down. She finally knows how to feel; destroyed, scared and completely helpless, staring down the death of her father like it's something she can prevent if she just fights hard enough. She clings to his hand pathetically, reduced to begging and sobbing in the ugly way she tries to avoid. She wants her daddy to sit up in his bed and hug her until all she knows is his arms and his smell and the steady pumping of his healthy heart. She wants him to meet her first girlfriend and give her away when she gets married. She wants him to pace up and down the waiting room when she gives birth and to dote on his grand babies the way he doted on her when she was a child. He is, by definition, her past and she desperately wants him in her future.

She grips his hand tighter, pleading for him to, "squeeze my hand Daddy, just squeeze my hand." His fingers flinch a little, as if searching for something to latch onto and Kate tenses, the wash of hope and disbelief and total release catching her completely by surprise. Still half-paralyzed with shock, she calls for the nurse, her heart beating hard enough for the two of them. His recovery will be slow and it will probably put more stress on Kate than any sixteen year old should have to bear but he's going to live, for many years to come, according to the Doctor and that in itself feels like a miracle.

Life settles down and normalcy takes over once more. Puck lands himself in juvie, no surprise there, and a mad dash to recruit a new member ensues. A new boy, Sam, transfers to McKinley and Finn hears him singing in the locker room showers and insists that he is the key to the Glee club's success. It takes a bit, no, more like a lot of convincing but in the end, Sam reluctantly agrees to join the ranks of the New Directions. The first assignment of the year is a competition, a duets competition specifically and Kate resigns herself to singing alone. They have an odd number of members this year and as the "school gay" Kate is prepared to take one for the team. It comes as a complete surprise when Sam catches up to her in the hall the next day and proposes that they sing a duet together. Kate is taken a back and a little bit speechless but agrees nonetheless. Sam walks away from the conversation with a dopey grin on his face but Kate doesn't notice because she's too caught up in the fact that maybe she isn't the odd one out this time. Later that day, Tina storms up to Kate's locker, a disbelieving look on her face.

"You're singing a duet with Sam?" she squawks and Kate nods and narrows her eyes slightly.

"I don't see the problem Tina, he asked, and I agreed. No big deal."

"No big deal? Kate, he's interested in you. Like interested interested and this is totally leading him on!" Tina gesticulates wildly and if Kate didn't feel quite so betrayed she would have laughed.

"Since when is singing a duet with someone equated to asking them out? If your logic was sound, I don't even want to think about the love triangles the Broadway greats were involved in."

Kate pushes her body off the locker she was leaning on and turns on her heel. The enthusiastic tapping of Tina's boots follows relentlessly and soon enough, Tina has caught up and is grabbing at Kate's elbow and forcibly stopping her hasty retreat.

"Kate, you know I care about you, but I also have an obligation to the New Directions and if you go through with this you're going to break Sam's heart and he is going to quit."

Kate winces and Tina's face softens slightly, "We can't compete without Sam and if he quits because of this misunderstanding, you know Rachel will never forgive you."

"I know, Tina, believe me, I know, I just hate feeling so alone all the time."

Tina pulls Kate into a bone-crushing hug and Kate can sense the dull ache of tears pulsing behind her closed eyes.

"Kate, there is some girl out there who is just waiting for you to come along and rock her world, don't give up on her."

Kate calls off her duet with Sam and comes out to him all in the same sentence. Sam takes it surprisingly well and ends up singing a sickeningly sweet little number with Quinn. They're like Ken and Barbie brought to life and it hurts to watch them, so effortlessly happy and charming and normal. Kate envies them to no end because even when she finds love, if she ever finds love, she'll never have the cookie cutter life she's been taught to desire. Kate breaks out the costume makeup for her performance of Le Jazz Hot. She goes all out on her outfit and overall the performance is stunning but she knows she won't win because she's always been just a little bit too much for the Glee club, even when she was closeted and hiding behind her Cheerio's uniform.

Mercedes and Santana combine their smooth sultry voices for an invigorating cover of River Deep- Mountain High and Finn and Rachel perform some hilariously offensive number that Kate just can't take seriously. Tina and Mike's rendition of Sing! from A Chorus Line is adorable and painful at the same time and Kate is grinning through the entire song. After all the pairs have sung (for some reason Brittany and Artie withdraw at the last minute), Kate votes for Tina and Mike because she really thinks they were the best and their immense talent deserves a little recognition for once. Sam and Quinn end up winning and Kate looks on bitterly as their relationship blossoms, not that she expected any less.

The next week, Kate reluctantly agrees to take part in Mr. Schue's deluded attempt at wooing Ms. Pillsbury, coming this time in the form of a production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. She and Rachel battle it out for Janet, but in the end Kate bows out because at this point, she honestly doesn't care enough to keep fighting. 

The Cheerios have turned on her and taken to leaving hateful messages scrawled on garish pink sticky notes stuck to her locker. Sometimes in the cafeteria, one of the girls will walk close behind her in the lunch line and whisper, "fucking dyke" in her ear like a secret. As though Kate's sexuality is a secret to anyone at this point. It sends violent shivers rolling up and down her spine but she says nothing because technically, they haven't physically injured her in any way and a little bullying is to be expected. She is the school gay after all.

But it escalates. It seems Kate's lack of a response has just egged them on and suddenly, nothing scares her more than the sound of Cheerios issue sneakers approaching from behind. The fear is suffocating. Once, a blonde Cheerio named Angela came up behind Kate and yanked on her ponytail, exposing her neck like a chicken being prepared for slaughter.

"You like it rough Hummel?" she rasped and Kate's stomach squeezed painfully, the fear a palpable force in her limbs, pumping through her veins like lead. She couldn't have run if she wanted to.

As soon as Angela had gone, snickering as though scaring the breath out of someone was funny in some twisted, malicious way, Kate had sank down on to the floor and pulled her knees up tight to her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to wish her self away but when she opened her eyes again she was stilled curled pitifully on the floor of a McKinley High hallway, tears pouring down her cheeks.

Glee club is a respite, but barely. Rachel's overbearing nature is a constant presence in the choir room and it angers Kate to no end. Rachel has a strong mezzo, and Kate can't contest that, but Kate is a high soprano, her voice ringing pure and bright like the chiming of a bell. She wanted the female lead for once, a chance at the spotlight. The assignment for the week is girls versus boys, another jewel of an idea courtesy of Mr. Schue and his effervescent originality.

Kate is well aware that, as usual she'll be stuck singing background vocals for Rachel, probably some descant or upper harmony that none of the other girls can reach. Her range is impressive and she has a whole book of songs in her back pocket, all of which could be easily arranged for a group of female voices. As soon as the guys have disappeared off to the auditorium to practice their number, Rachel turns to face the group of seated girls, beaming in an assertive way that makes Kate's blood boil.

"Alright gang, I was thinking something from Evita if we're looking for upbeat and dramatic or maybe something more contemporary for a more relatable feel."

Kate's eyes narrow, "And who exactly will be singing these songs?"

Rachel looks affronted, "Me of course."

Kate tilts her head in disbelief; she and Rachel could have been such good friends if she wasn't such an egotistical ass.

"What about the six other girls, what are we going to do, sway in the background and look pretty?" asks Kate, getting up and pointing an accusing finger at Rachel's chest. "We want a chance to sing too, it's not all about you Berry."

Rachel's face flickers between astonishment and rage. Kate just looks smug.

"What, never been called out on your crap before?"

Brittany and Santana pause their conversation to watch Rachel and Kate with vague interest and Mercedes and Tina cautiously nod their agreement. Rachel's face hardens and morphs back into the self-assured mask that Kate loathes.

"Well Kate, if you want to contribute to the group why don't you go spy on our Sectionals competition instead of starting fights? We'll get by fine without you," bites Rachel, her tone venomous and carefully measured. Kate recoils, her eyebrows shooting up to her hairline. Turning blindly to the other girls, Kate looks desperately for some support but Mercedes and Tina have averted their eyes and are staring guiltily at opposite walls of the room. Brittany and Santana are off in their own world, as per usual and Kate fumes.

"Fine!" she spits and turns on her heel. "Hope you guys are in the mood for an ass whooping."

Storming out of the choir room feels good in the moment but as soon as Kate has turned the corner, the thrill defiance is replaced by a bitter low. Nobody had backed her up, not even Tina, who she considered to be her most trusted friend. Her mind flashes to Angela and the Cheerios. Brittany and Santana have pull there and yet neither of them stood up for her either. A familiar hopelessness descends on her like a fog; she's really alone isn't she?

Crawford County Day is beautiful. It reminds Kate of a castle and she lingers on a memory of watching Harry Potter curled up next to Mike and Tina on a lazy summer evening. She parroted the uniform to the best of her ability, although her skirt is a bit too short and few shades off color wise, and she feels vaguely inconspicuous as she slips inside the school. It's surprisingly easy to get in, considering the boatloads of tuition the parents must be dishing out, but once inside, Kate is immediately made aware of the fact that the place was built like a maze. She trots down hallway after hallway until finally, when she was mere minutes from admitting defeat and finding the nearest exit, she comes across a large staircase, packed with girls chattering and rushing to and from classes.

The hall is filled with natural light filtering in through a dome overhead made entirely of wrought iron framed skylights and Kate is jostled around a bit as she stops to gape at the finest display of architecture for miles around. A short girl with fiercely tamed dark curls bounces down the staircase a few feet in front of her and Kate reaches out and taps her shoulder, half expecting to be ignored. The girl stops immediately and turns just as quickly, raising a pair of beautiful hazel eyes to meet Kate's gaze with surprising intensity. The sheer weight of the girl's stare leaves Kate breathless and when Kate speaks, she's shocked by the steadiness of her own voice.

"Um, hi," she breathes, quirking her lips into what she thinks should be an inviting smile, "can I ask you a question? I'm new here."

"My name's Blaire," says the girl in a high, smooth voice and reaches up to shake Kate's hand. The action shocks Kate a little but she returns the handshake without missing a beat, surprised by how well her slender fingers wrap around Blaire's slightly stockier ones.

"Kate," she replies and retracts her hand quickly, always unsure if she should linger too long and risk freaking out the undoubtedly straight girl. Only then does Kate notice the current of students flowing steadily down the corridor and towards some room in the distance where Kate can see a knot of girls milling about, as though waiting for something. "So what exactly is going on here?"

Blaire's eyes light up and she grins widely. The girl's excitement is refreshing in a way that Kate never thought childish behavior could be and she reflexively smiles back. Her reaction startles her, she's smiled so rarely as of late that she was afraid she'd forgotten how.

"The Starlings! Every now and then they throw an impromptu performance in the Senior Commons. Tends to shut the school down for a while," finishes Blaire with a little wink that has Kate swooning, despite herself.

Kate recognizes the Starlings as the New Directions' competition for Sectionals and her eyes narrow slightly, "So wait, the Glee club here is kind of cool?"

"The Starlings are like rockstars!"

Kate has to raise an eyebrow at that, but Blaire doesn't seem to notice because all of a sudden, she is grabbing Kate's hand and pulling her down the stairs, "Come on, I know a short cut."

The whole scene seems slightly surreal. Blaire skips down a nearby hall with Kate in tow, clutching at her hand and smiling brightly. Kate is too caught up in the perfect way their hands fit together to notice much else, but suddenly, they've arrived at the room where Kate saw the girls congregated earlier. Blaire pushes open the heavy wooden doors; still keeping a firm hold on Kate's hand and leads her into the throng of students. When Blaire releases her, Kate's hand feels cold and she moves it to the strap of her messenger bag, simply for something to hold on to.

Kate's lips relax into a sort of "o" as Blaire reaches up to tweak the collar of her plain button down, "Next time don't forget your sweater, new girl."

Kate blushes violently at that, taking in the black Crawford County Day sweater vests worn by all the rest of the students. She makes a mental note to prepare more thoroughly the next time she embarks on a spying mission of any sort, especially to a prep school with highly specific uniforms.

A group of the uniform clad girls behind them begins to side step and Blaire half walks, half twirls back to them, grinning as she had before, carefree and almost innocent. The girls launch into a breathtaking, a cappella rendition of Teenage Dream that has Kate too starstruck to register what tough Sectionals competition these girls are going to be. At one point, Blaire comes out of a tight little spin and points straight at Kate, giving her a devilish wink before finishing the song with a flourish. Kate feels like she's flying. 

The other girls pounce on Blaire in an instant, bouncing like excitable puppies, undoubtedly showering her with well-deserved praise. Blaire is good, like Rachel Berry good, maybe even better. Her voice is smooth and rich, it reminds Kate a little of strong dark chocolate, sweet and easy to swallow with just the right about of bite. All of a sudden Kate feels a hand on her shoulder and she squeaks, whipping around to face a bemused looking Blaire. God only knows how she managed to extricate herself from the dog pile in the center of the room so quickly. Kate doesn't get a chance to ask because in a second, Blaire is taking her hand again and tugging her just outside the chaos into the empty hallway.

"So I'm guessing you're from New Directions? Unless you're actually fifty years older than you look and aged really, really gracefully."

Kate blushes a little and nods, eyes fixed on a smudge on her right shoe that is going to have to be cleaned eventually. Her entire body is rigid, waiting for the harsh words or slap to the face. She deserves anything Blaire can dish out, spying is wrong and she knew that from the beginning. Suddenly the light pressure of what must be Blaire's fingertips is gently nudging her chin up so that their eyes meet.

"Hey," murmurs Blaire softly, "I'm not going to hurt you."

The worry in Blaire's voice surprises her. Sure Kate's dad worries, but its always quiet and understated, nothing like the earnest lilt to Blaire's voice. It's haunting almost, to have someone she's known for such a short time express a level of concern that Kate has come to expect only from her nearest of kin.

"Here, Wendy and Danielle probably want to have a quick word with you," explains Blaire, gesturing at two older girls hovering a few feet away.

Kate follows reluctantly, she has a pretty low tolerance for pain and if things get ugly, she probably won't be able to defend herself against three girls, even though Blaire is practically shorter than Rachel, and that's saying something. They don't seem the type to beat someone up for spying, to beat anyone up for the matter, but Kate has learned to expect cruelty. Settling around a varnished wooden table in some common room or another, Blaire sets down four lattes and nudges one in Kate's direction. 

The silence is odd; Wendy and Danielle appear to be having a conversation with their eyes while Blaire stares at Kate, what looks like a soft blush painting her cheeks. It makes Kate a little uncomfortable, another girl has never looked her at this way, an attractive, talented girl to boot and she isn't sure how she should respond, especially considering the circumstances.

Kate coughs a little around the lid of her coffee, "So, are you going to beat me up for spying or what?"

The humor is reflexive; she gets witty when she's scared, trying to diffuse tension and usually succeeding only in building up more.

The Asian girl, Wendy, Kate thinks her name is, raises a dark eyebrow, "What makes you think we'd beat you up?"

Kate shrugs and takes another sip of coffee.

Danielle smiles easily and pushes a loose strand of hair behind her ear, "Honestly, you were a such a terrible spy we thought it was kind of endearing."

A half chuckle that sounds more like a harsh exhalation of breath is all Kate can manage and the staid worry is back in Blaire's eyes.

"Hey, Elle, Wendy, do you think Kate and I could have a second alone."

"Sure, no problem, say 'hi' to the rest of New Directions for us," says Wendy with a wink, linking arms with Danielle as they grab their bags and disappear back out into the hallway.

As soon as the other two girls are gone, Blaire returns her attention to Kate, frowning slightly.

"Can I be frank with you?"

Kate blinks and then nods cautiously.

"I don't think you're here to spy, at least not entirely."

Another blink and another nod.

"Are you getting bullied?"

Slightly more delayed blink and a tentative nod.

"Is it because you're gay?"

Kate's eyes widen but still, all she can do is bob her head and worry her lower lip between her front teeth. Blaire goes silent for a moment and Kate sneaks a glance up through her long, dark lashes. She looks pensive and a little bit sad, the grip on her coffee cup visibly tighter.

"I was too," she says, not meeting Kate's eyes, "bullied, I mean, for being gay. It was horrible, and extremely degrading. Girls can be so cruel."

"Yea, girls I thought were my best friends turned on me when I came out," ventures Kate and Blaire looks up at the sound of her voice.

"The volleyball team at my old school was the worst. They teased me and harassed me and eventually it just got to be too much.

So I transferred here at the end of my freshman year, simple as that," finishes Blaire and flicks idly at something on the immaculate tabletop.

"Are you thinking about transferring to Crawford?"

Kate tries not to latch on to the hopeful edge to Blaire's voice too much, "Possibly, I guess I never knew a place like this existed before now so I haven't had much time to think it over."

Blaire giggles quietly and Kate gives her her signature withering look.

"Sorry, sorry, you just make it sound like some sort of lesbian Utopia," laughs Blaire and Kate has to snort at that.

"I do not!" she scoffs. "The zero tolerance anti-bullying policy just sounds nice is all."

Blaire is suddenly serious again, "It is nice, really, really nice and if things aren't safe for you at school, I think you should consider it, that is, if the tuition isn't too steep and you don't mind boarding."

Kate nods absentmindedly, considering the possibilities. From what she knew of the family finances (a lot, considering she did her dad's taxes) they could probably afford private school and boarding didn't really sound too bad. Kate was surprised by the lack of tether she felt binding her to the New Directions and by extension, McKinley. Crawford felt like a new start and that was exactly what she'd been hoping for out of her Junior year.

"I'm going to talk to my dad about it," says Kate and then boldly pulls her phone from her purse, handing it silently to Blaire and smiling encouragingly, "can I have your number, just in case I do end up transferring?"

Blaire types in her number with a bit more zeal than is strictly necessary and when Kate scrolls down to the new entry, she sees that Blaire has added a little heart at the end of her name.

"Cute," she murmurs, turning a ridiculous shade of red when she hears Blaire's breath hitch.

"I mean-" she begins but Blaire cuts her off with a finger to the lips that should not feel as sensual as it does.

"I think you're cute too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Kate sings is The Gambler by fun. and the title of the chapter and the lyrics that the chapter opens with are both from the song The Sounds of Silence by Simon & Garfunkel.


	3. Head Over Feet

_I had no choice but to hear you_  
You stated your case time and again  
I thought about it  
You treat me like I'm a princess  
I'm not used to liking that  
You ask how my day was

_You've already won me over in spite of me_  
 _And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet_  
 _Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are_

_I couldn't help it_  
It's all your fault  
Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole  
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for  
That's not lip service

- _Head Over Feet_ by Alanis Morissette

 

Blaire integrates herself into Kate's life just as Tina and Mike had done the summer before. Suddenly there are coffee dates (that most certainly aren't _that_ type of date) and long hours spent in each other's respective rooms pouring over Vogue and watching musicals and eating greasy pizza that they've both sworn off of. Kate learns that Blaire's hair is naturally curly and Blaire learns that Kate's is naturally straight. They play a game of questions and answers, constantly growing closer and closer until it seems they've reached a threshold of sorts between friends and something more. 

Kate knows it doesn't have to be this way, they could go on being the best of friends for the rest of high school, maybe even the rest of their lives but there is something there, in the space between them, that crackles and aches in the best way possible. At least for Kate it does. Blaire makes her burn. It's a constant heat just below the surface that makes her want to reach out and touch all the time. She wants to thread her slender finger in Blaire's ridiculous mane of dark, thick curls and tug until she shivers. She wants dates and kisses and more than kisses and songs and laughter and joy. She wants it all. She wants to be a teenager in love, giddy with a passion she's never felt before.

All the while, McKinley has steadily faded into the background of Kate's life. Tina and Mercedes have buddied up and Kate feels even more of an outcast than she did before. The Glee club seems whole without her, they don't need another female voice to mindlessly harmonize in the background. 

Slowly but surely, Kate distances herself from them. She stops talking in practice, doesn't make plans to do things on the weekend, sits in the back corner of the choir room, where she can text Blaire in peace. Not even Tina seems to notice, it's as if Kate has relapsed back to the days of middle school when she was invisible to all those who knew her reputation. When she lies awake in bed at night she's comforted only by the fact that the stifling loneliness and relentless bullying is making her contemplate a transfer and not suicide. Death has never appealed, even in her darkest hour, the desperate love for life she exhibits never wavers.

Sectionals is fast approaching and New Directions is all in a tizzy. Out of curiosity, Kate skips practice one day and is unsurprised to find that nobody has noticed. She doesn't mention it to anyone but Blaire, who is entirely sympathetic and subtly suggests a transfer. It’s becoming routine. The conversation starts out with Kate recounting increasingly distressing stories of bullying or alienation by her Glee club and Blaire replies with the appropriate emotion, whether it be pity or comfort or anger, and a plea for Kate to transfer. She tells Kate stories of Crawford and the shenanigans that she and the Starlings have gotten up to.

One weekend, Blaire shows up at Kate's house early in the morning with a bus full of private school girls and a cup of coffee. Kate is introduced to Nicole and Jennifer, an adorable lesbian couple whose love Kate silently envies, as well as Tara, Blaire's self declared number one fan, Fiona, a brusque girl who seems to Kate like a female Finn, and Dominique, whom the others lovingly call "the sassy Starling". They are all so welcoming and kind, it makes Kate ache. The acceptance of the Starlings and a particularly nasty encounter with the Cheerios are enough to push Kate over the edge. She _hates_ McKinley and she wants out.

The conversation with her father is awkward and a few tears are shed, but the outcome is sunnier than any day Kate's seen in a while. Finances aren't a problem, as Kate suspected they wouldn't be, and the transfer papers are requested immediately. Kate goes through the weeks leading up to her transfer with her smile permanently intact. Three slushy facials before lunch and a hateful message spray painted in crude red letters on her gym locker and she's still grinning as she unlocks her car door at the end of the day. She doesn't bother to tell the Glee club. She's never been good at goodbyes.

The Crawford girls are a whole other matter. She doesn't want to tell Blaire, surprising her would be so much more fun, but in the end she has to wave the white flag on her first day because, unfortunately, she has no idea where the front office is. She texts Blaire from the parking lot and gets a response almost instantly. In five minutes flat Blaire comes skidding out of the school building and into Kate's arms.

Blaire leads her through the halls to the office, easily linking their arms and chattering on about Crawford and how _awesome_ it is. Kate is amused and besotted at the same time, Blaire's unadorned nature is charming and somehow magnetic. When they reach the office, a pretty secretary, who has obviously been expecting her, hands Kate a class schedule and Crawford issue day planner with her name printed on the cover. Blaire grabs the schedule before Kate's had a chance to so much as scan it, making disappointed noises when she comes across a class they have separately and emitting little happy yelps when she finds a class they have together.

Blaire is given permission to give Kate a tour of the campus but they end up spending most of the time in the Starling's practice room. It started off innocently enough, Kate's fingers dancing across the keys of the baby grand in the corner that's hardly ever used ("Hello, a cappella choir?") and Blaire humming along to mindless chords like a dork while still managing to look distractingly beautiful as always. But sometime between the opening lines of Tiny Dancer and the bridge of Eleanor Rigby, the atmosphere thickens and Kate finds herself struggling to think coherently, let alone play the right notes.

Blaire smells divine, warm like the Moroccan oil that Kate bought for her to control her ridiculous curls and sweet like the Raspberry perfume she practically bathes in. It's overwhelming and intoxicating, the heady scent only intensified by their proximity. Both the girls are perched on the rickety piano bench, pressed together from shoulder to ankle in a way that makes Kate's skin tingle. Blaire turns her head slightly and if she wanted to, Kate could lean down a fraction of an inch and their lips would meet.

Suddenly, Blaire leaps up from the bench, nearly knocking Kate off in the process.

"Let's go say hi to the other girls," says Blaire and her voice comes out higher and the slightest bit breathless. "They're going to flip when they find out you transferred!"

Kate allows herself to be dragged off in the direction of the pseudo cafeteria (which really looks much more like some sort of medieval dining hall), trying to focus on the feeling of Blaire's fingers wrapped firmly around hers rather than the harsh disappointment that prickles just beneath her skin.

Crawford is like a dream come true. Literally. Kate is damn near positive she's fantasized about being surrounded constantly by attractive girls in short skirts and v-neck sweaters that have the potential to show a lot of cleavage. The Starlings adopt Kate instantly, doting on her like a flock of mother hens. They don't ask her to audition to join the group, although Kate would have been more than happy to put something together, but instead simply welcome her with open arms. Nicole and Jennifer take special interest in her, Jenny is practically Kate in a tall, ridiculously blonde haired body and the two bond over countless common interests while Nicole looks on with heart eyes and a dopey grin that Blaire constantly teases her over.

Jenny is the first person, apart from Blaire, who she tells of her past at McKinley. The other girls know the simplified version, but Kate only feels comfortable sharing the gory details with Jenny after more than a month of unwavering trust. It occurs to Kate that it's a bit odd that it took her a month and a half to confide in Jenny when Blaire got the full story the day they met. She feels connected to Blaire somehow and seeing her everyday only amplifies that connection. What used to be a gentle spark has grown to something of a lightning bolt that strikes every time she and Blaire touch. It's embarrassing, to feel so strongly about a girl who would never reciprocate, but Kate figures its something she should get used to.

At the beginning of Kate's first official meeting as a member of the Starlings, she is presented with a gilded bird cage containing a beautiful black bird (a Starling, obviously) that the girls inform her is named Pavarotti. Kate likes to sit in her dorm room at night, while she's doing her hair and moisturizing routine before bed, and listen to Pavarotti chirp and sing. Sometimes she talks back, telling the little bird of her worries and dreams, failures and triumphs, or mimicking her twittering with her own high, clear voice.

Everything seems perfect, apart from the whole Blaire situation that is, until the initial euphoria of not living in fear passes and things start going wrong. Only slightly, but wrong nonetheless. The first incident is over a solo for Sectionals that Blaire somehow convinces the Starling council to allow her to audition for. The weird thing about the Starlings is that they're completely independent. They have a council of three upper classmen to lead the meetings but apart from that its pretty much a direct democracy through and through. The council does have pull though, and them and Blaire are apparently in cahoots, so suddenly Kate is presented with the opportunity to fulfill one of her many dreams for high school; a competition solo. When faced with the important decision of choosing an audition song she turns to the one girl, apart from herself of course, with more musical knowledge than the entire population of Lima, Ohio put together; Rachel Berry.

"I must admit I am extremely flattered that you've come to me in your time of need," says Rachel from her spot on the piano bench, face turned brightly and expectantly towards Kate.

Kate offers her a half smile and hoists herself up to sit on the back of the old upright piano, crossing her legs primly and smoothing out her shirt. She's out of uniform for once, dressed simply in skinny jeans and a loose blouse cinched around her waist with a thin leather belt.

"Now your range is impressive, though not nearly as fleshed out as mine of course. I'm assuming you'd like to accentuate your upper register, am I correct?" Rachel continues and Kate nods slowly, choosing to ignore her thinly veiled insults.

"I was thinking something from a musical, but nothing too upbeat, I want to stand out and all the other auditions I've seen have been overdone covers of bouncy pop tunes."

Rachel's eyes glaze over a moment and Kate's mind supplies a ridiculous visual of Rachel scrolling through her mental list of show tunes. All of a sudden, she hops up and grabs Kate's shoulders, a slightly manic smile on her face.

"How do you feel about Sweeney Todd?"

Three other girls are set to audition the same day as Kate; three immensely talented, kind, and most importantly, experienced girls who are no doubt going to blow Kate out of the water. Suddenly she feels immensely foolish for trying to step outside the box with her song choice. Kate is well aware that she can be a little overwhelming at times and choosing a technically difficult song rarely performed by anyone below the professional level was probably not the best way to ease herself into the Starlings. They're a glee club that sings a cappella arrangements of top 40 hits for goodness' sake, what was she thinking auditioning with a show tune?

When the council calls her name to perform, Kate is fairly certain that Blaire can hear her breath catch from where she sits to her left. Standing on shaking legs, Kate walks over to the speakers the Starlings have set up for the auditions. As she scrolls through her phone's music library she momentarily considers switching songs last minute, but waves the impulse almost immediately. She practiced long and hard for this, her vibrato on the high notes is almost flawless and even if she doesn't get the solo at least she'll have shown the Starlings what she's capable of. The eerie instrumental intro begins and Kate takes a deep breath, moving smoothly away from the speakers and into the center of the room.

_Green finch and linnet bird, nightingale, blackbird,_  
How is it you sing?  
How can you jubilate sitting in cages  
never taking wing?

_Outside the sky waits, beckoning! Beckoning!_  
Just beyond the bars...  
How can you remain staring at the rain  
maddened by the stars?

_How is it you sing, anything?  
How is it you sing?_

Kate takes the time granted her by the brief interlude in the middle of the song to survey her audience. Blaire is gazing at her with a look of awe and amazement. For this, Kate is a bit smug, at least she's succeeded in impressing someone. The council, on the other hand, has their poker faces on. Wendy looks thoughtful at the very least but Danielle and Tara are frustratingly blank.

_My cage has many rooms, damask and dark..._  
Nothing there sings, not even my lark.  
Larks never will, you know, when they're captive.  
Teach me to be more adaptive.  
Ah...

_Green finch and linnet bird, nightingale, blackbird,_  
teach me how to sing.  
If I cannot fly...  
Let me sing.

Kate ends on the high note, gradually letting her voice fade out while still maintaining the vibrato she worked so hard on perfecting. The applause is polite but well maintained, all the girls are nodding appreciatively and Kate notices only a few uncomfortable sidelong glances. Kate curtseys slightly and returns to her seat beside Blaire, mumbling thanks to all those who smile at her as she passes by.

At the council table Wendy bangs her gavel, signaling for order.

"Thank you to all those who auditioned today," says Tara, poker face still very much intact. "Soloists will be announced sometime next week. This meeting is adjourned."

As the other girls bustle about, grabbing coats and bags and chattering mindlessly, Blaire pulls Kate into a fierce hug, squealing in her ear and bouncing ever so slightly on the balls of her feet.

"Kate you were amazing! I never knew you had a range like that!"

Kate blushes, smiling brightly and fiddling with the hem of her skirt, "Thanks! I'm glad my talent lives up to the Blaire Anderson level of excellence."

Blaire rolls her eyes and nudges Kate gently with her shoulder, eliciting an undignified little snort.

"Hey! Domestic abuse!" squawks Kate.

Blaire smirks triumphantly and raises an eyebrow, "So we're domestic now are we?"

"Domestic prep school lesbians, that's us!" quips Kate, fighting down a blush. Damn her pale skin and Blaire's habit of gazing at her with those big brown eyes..

"..and I just think we should loosen up a bit, you know, be more about self expression and less about perfecting out harmonies."

Kate nods quickly, hoping that Blaire hadn't said anything that deigned a response. It was starting to become a problem, Kate's hopeless infatuation and Blaire's not so subtle reciprocation. Blaire was all gentle touches and intense eye contact, even during conversations concerning things like what was being served for lunch at the cafeteria. It was exhausting, the constant tension between them. And it wasn't even Kate alone who noticed it if the eyebrow wiggles and subtle body rolls from the other Starlings were any indication. Blaire was completely oblivious, of course, making it even more infuriating for Kate.

"I know we've both got lots of homework, but we could get some coffee before as some motivation?" asks Blaire with a hopeful smile that reminds Kate somehow of a puppy begging for a bone.

"Sounds like a plan!" replies Kate, choking back a gasp as Blaire links arms with her.

Getting coffee between Starlings' rehearsal and homework has kind of become their thing. Kate and Blaire are both shameless caffeine addicts, requiring at least two cups to keep them going through the day. All of the other Starlings call these after school excursions "romantic rendezvous", teasing Kate and Blaire endlessly over their budding love and singing "Falling in Love in a Coffee Shop" under their breath as they walk past on their way to the Lima Bean. Kate takes it quite personally of course, blushing almost constantly while Blaire simply brushes it off, as if this kind of thing happened to her all the time, even before Kate came along. Sometimes Kate wonders if that's the case. Maybe Blaire has a habit of taking broken gay girls under her wing and slowly letting them fall in love with her before dropping them on their asses the second another tortured soul comes along.

Kate doesn't get the solo, not that she was expecting to anyway. She's become used to being disappointed, although being shut down at a school that preaches acceptance is a bit disheartening. Blaire does her best to console her but in the end all Kate gets from the conversation is, "You're trying too hard, people will like you more once you learn to fit in." 

That's what hurts the most. Blaire is supposed to be her gay Yoda or something, telling someone to stifle their individuality isn't exactly the best advice. Realizing Blaire isn't perfect comes as something of a relief for Kate. It was tiring trying to keep up with her in every aspect of her seemingly flawless existence. The downside though, is that it only serves to make Kate fall even harder than she had before. Before she felt like she was infatuated with the idea of having a girlfriend and Blaire was just the first gay girl to make an appearance in her life.

It scares her to admit, but she's slowly starting to realize that it's not just a relationship she craves anymore, its a relationship with Blaire.

Christmas at Crawford comes in a blur of tinsel and pine trees whose lingering scent are sure to fill the halls for months after. Jenny and Nicole, as the resident stable gay couple, have taken the task of getting Kate and Blaire together into their own hands, seeing as they won't be getting anywhere anytime soon without some outside help. Kate catches on after she sees Jenny hanging mistletoe over all the doorways in the hall where Blaire dorms, including Blaire's door itself. What ensued was a series of awkward encounters between roommates who were forced by a squealing Nicole or Jenny to kiss every time they simultaneously left their room. Kate avoids the mistletoe like the plague, going so far as to wait behind Blaire whenever they cross thresholds to make sure that Jenny or Nicole (who have taken to watching them like hawks) doesn't catch them under the godforsaken plant at the same time. It isn't that Kate doesn't want to kiss Blaire, in fact at this point she wants nothing more, but she's always pictured their first kiss meaning something, not brought on by some ridiculous holiday tradition.

Kate is so sure she's got the mistletoe situation under control when Blaire throws her for a loop, as she so often does. If the duets they'd sang together before had been suggestive, this one qualified as an invitation into bed.

_I really can't stay - But baby it's cold outside_  
I've got to go away - But baby it's cold outside  
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in  
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice  
My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry?  
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar  
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry  
Well maybe just a half a drink more - Put some records on while I pour

Blaire insists upon taking the female part seeing as she's technically supposed to be practicing it for some performance her parents her set her up with. This means Kate is forced into the depths of her lower register, something she doesn't often attempt.

_The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there_  
Say, what's in this drink? - No cabs to be had out there  
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight  
To break the spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell  
I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if I move in closer?  
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride?  
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out  
Oh, but it's cold outside

_I simply must go - But, baby, it's cold outside._  
The answer is no - But, baby, it's cold outside.  
This welcome has been - How lucky that you dropped in.  
So nice and warm - Look out the window at that storm.  
My sister will be suspicious - Gosh, your lips look delicious.  
My brother will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical storm.  
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious - Oh, your lips are delicious.  
Maybe just a cigarette more - Never such a blizzard before.

They play a game of cat and mouse, Kate chasing Blaire around the common room (that remains curiously empty, no doubt due to Jenny and Nicole's endless scheming) as Blaire teases her relentlessly. At one point Kate finds herself with an armful of Blaire, arms wrapped around her slender waist from behind, crooning her line into her ear, only to have Blaire twirl out of her embrace with a coy little smile.

_I've got to go home - But, baby, you'll freeze out there_  
Say, lend me your coat - It's up to your knees out there  
You've really been grand - I'm thrilled when you touch my hand  
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me?  
ByThere's bound to be talk tomorrow - Think of my life long sorrow  
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died  
I really can't stay - Get over that hold out  
Ohhh, baby it's cold outside

They end the song perched on one of the plush leather couches, sitting far too close for comfort, faces angled towards each other, panting and blushing furiously. Blaire is the one to end the eye contact, chuckling nervously and scooting away. They get up at the same time, still refusing to acknowledge the sparks or the tension, as per usual.

Blaire breaks the silence that was steadily growing awkward, "For the record, you're much better than that boy is going to be."

For once Kate's biting wit fails her, she's pretty sure she lost the power of speech somewhere after "Oh, your lips are delicious", but Blaire more than makes up for the empty air with chattering that sounds more nervous than anything. In her haze she allows Blaire to lead her through the entryway into the common room, a hand guiding her by the small of her back in a surprisingly intimate gesture. All of a sudden, a squeal echoes from behind a potted plant and out pops both Jenny and Nicole, looking wildly pleased with themselves.

"Kate, Blaire, mistletoe! You know what that means! Pucker up lovebirds," drawls Nicole with a self-satisfied smirk.

Blaire looks horrified for what can't be more than a millisecond before the calm facade is back and she laughs, turning to face Kate.

"Well we might as well get this over with yea? Then maybe they'll leave us alone," murmurs Blaire and Kate wonders if she meant to have her voice come out as such a purr.

"Yea," squeaks Kate, still not sure she has total complete over her breathing.

And then Blaire is looping an arm around her neck and placing one securely on her waist, pulling Kate's head down while simultaneously rocking up onto her toes..

Their lips touch. No fireworks. More like an almost painful clenching in the pit of her stomach, a radiating warmth that travels from the depths of her core to the tips of her fingers, clenched firmly in Blaire's sweater. It feels right, it feels so right. Blaire gasps against her lips. Jenny squeals. The moment is broken. Gently releasing her tight hold on Kate's hip bone, Blaire settles back onto the balls of her feet, eyes downcast and hooded beneath long, thick lashes.

"Alright Jen, happy?" mumbles Blaire, scratching anxiously at the back of her neck and glancing distractedly at Jenny, whose hands are clasped in anticipation.

"Kate!" comes a voice and Kate spins around to face a rather flustered looking Will Schuester. Kate is too dazed by the fact that mere seconds ago she and the object of her affection were attached by the _lips_ to question why in the world her old Glee club director is standing in the corridor of her new school, two hours away from his place of employment. Blaire leaps back from Kate as though she's been burned and Kate immediately misses the contact, barely restraining herself from reaching out and pulling Blaire flush against her again.

"Mr. Schue, what're you doing here?" squawks Kate, making quick eye contact with Jenny and Nicole, gesturing for them to leave, _pronto_.

The two girls scurry into action, grabbing both of Blaire's elbows and leading her away in the opposite direction, twittering at her and trying to keep her distracted.

"Am I interrupting something?" asks Mr. Schue nervously, gesturing at the retreating forms of the three other girls.

"N-no," stutters Kate. "Um, not to be rude or anything, but why exactly are you here?"

Mr. Schue looks confused for a second before realization dawns on him in a comical fashion. Kate almost laughs. Almost.

"Oh! Yea, right, I actually came for some advice."

"Advice?" Kate quirks an eyebrow.

"Shopping advice actually, I'm horrible at picking Christmas gifts and I picked Sue for the Teacher's Secret Santa and I have no idea what someone like her would even want."

Sue. It's always Sue. "Leave it to me!"

In the weeks following what Kate has come to refer to as "The Kiss" in her head, she and Blaire are practically attached at the hip. Blaire is clingier than ever, more tactile, and Jenny and Nicole keep giving Kate these _looks_. Finn invites Kate back down to McKinley for the Championship game, mostly because the Glee club is doing the halftime show and Finn probably wants to show off. Kate immediately invites Blaire to come along and Blaire agrees enthusiastically, hanging off Kate's arm and babbling on about having to borrow a scarf in appropriate McKinley spirit colors.

The game goes well, considering, and Blaire spends most of it explaining the play by play action in Kate's ear, her warm breath sending shivers across Kate's cheek, cold from the biting winter wind. Kate knows perfectly well how football is played, she dated a football player for just under two years and cheered at games for just as long, but she prefers to play dumb, for Blaire's sake. 

Blaire buys a soft pretzel at half time, successfully missing most of the New Directions' show, and then proceeds to force feed Kate little ripped off pieces, claiming that Kate is too skinny for her own good. Kate would have enjoyed it if it weren't for the odd sidelong glances her father kept shooting them. Later on at home, Kate is subjected to the most merciless interrogation her father has doled out since her first date with Matt freshman year.

That night Kate lays curled on her bed, carrying on half assed conversation over text with Blaire while trying to mentally plan out her wardrobe for the weekend. Lately things with Blaire have been strange. It feels like they're teetering on the brink of something more but both of them seem completely adverse to addressing the issue. Kate has been steadfastly avoiding her feelings for Blaire ever since the kiss at Christmas. It wasn't that it had been a bad kiss, in fact it had been more wonderful than Kate had ever dreamed it could be. But that's the problem. Now that she's (literally) tasted what a relationship with Blaire could be like, the level of passion it could hold, Kate isn't sure if she wants to pursue it anymore. They're teenagers for god's sake, isn't it wrong for her to feel so completely tethered to another human being at the tender age of seventeen? The intensity is what scares her the most. She can't describe the feeling exactly, but it feels endlessly powerful, something that could change her life in irreversible ways, for better or for worse.

It occurs to her rather suddenly, between choosing a scarf to go with Sunday's skirt and whether or not she wants to curl her hair in the morning.

Somewhere along the line, she's managed to fall hopelessly and irrevocably in love with Blaire Anderson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs used in this chapter were Baby It's Cold Outside and Green Finch and Linnet Bird from the musical Sweeney Todd. Also, the chapter title and opening lyrics are from Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette.


	4. Shiver

_So I look in your direction,_  
But you pay me no attention, do you?  
I know you don't listen to me,  
Cause you say you see straight through me,  
Don't you?

 _But on and on,_  
From the moment I wake,  
To the moment I sleep,  
I'll be there by your side,  
Just you try and stop me,  
I'll be waiting in line,  
Just to see if you can

_Oh, did you want me to change?  
Well I'll change for good,  
And I want you to know, that you'll always get your way_

_\- Shiver_ by Coldplay

 

There is one thing that Kate is absolutely sure of. She did not see it coming.

It's a day like any other day. Kate is perched in one of the strategically placed arm chairs lining Crawford's main hall, sketching lazily in a notebook that could probably be put to better use. Sectionals has come and gone and they tied with the New Directions, meaning both teams would be competing at Regionals in the coming months. The Starlings had calmed down a little after that, allowing Kate to slip into a routine of sorts without the constant worry of extra Starling practices cropping up to mess with her schedule.

Jen was supposed to meet Kate outside of the Starlings' practice room twenty minutes ago, as they do almost everyday after class, but apparently Nicole found a closet on campus that they haven't christened yet and Kate has just gotten a typo ridden text letting her know that she won't be able to make it. So now Kate's left with almost an hour to kill before Starlings' rehearsal starts and absolutely nothing to do. Blaire is mysteriously absent, as are most of the other girls Kate would consider her friends, so socialization is out of the picture. Her teachers have been uncharacteristically merciful with the homework load for the night so Kate'd been able to finish it all up in study hall, and with no impending tests or quizzes, studying would be pointless as well. Kate briefly considers texting Tina but refrains considering they've hardly spoken since Kate's transfer to Crawford. She lets herself believe its because Tina is crippled with guilt for letting the bullying get so bad but truthfully its more likely that Tina just has better things to do.

Sighing despondently and resting her chin on her folded hands, Kate glances down at the sketches she's produced through her musings. Staring up at her in glaringly red ink is a large heart surrounding the words "Kate and Blaire Hummel-Anderson" written in her own curling, slanted script. Gasping, Kate tears the page out, balling it up and stuffing it into her bag. If Blaire had ever found that- Kate isn't sure she'd survive the resulting confrontation. Sure, she'd been damn near positive Blaire felt at least _something_ for her after their steamy mistletoe kiss at Christmas, but after months of absolutely no development, Kate has grown passive. She wants to be _wooed_ and if Blaire isn't going to provide sufficient wooing, well bully for her.

And speak of the devil, Blaire rounds the corner, practically skipping over to where Kate sits, a bemused look on her face. Without so much as a "hello" Blaire is threading her fingers through Kate's and pulling her up, immediately wrapping an arm around her waist as soon as she's standing.

"Well, someone's excited," Kate remarks, raising an eyebrow.

Now Blaire is tugging Kate along towards the Starlings' practice room, arm still curved around her waist.

"I have huge news, scratch that, the biggest news in the history of all news." Blaire pauses for effect. "Ever."

"Must be some news," breathes Kate as she is steered towards an empty seat. While Kate was daydreaming in the corridor, the other Starlings had started trickling in, included a very ruffled looking Nicole and Jennifer who are discreetly trying to straighten their skirts without being noticed by Wendy or the rest of the council.

"It is, trust me," says Blaire with a wink that sends Kate's heart into a beating frenzy.

As four o'clock comes and goes, Wendy brings the Starlings to attention with a few sharp raps of her gavel.

"Order, I will have order!" she calls shrilly and Kate is distractedly reminded of the episodes of Judge Judy she and her mom used to watch on daytime TV when she was home sick and nothing else was on.

"First order of business," says Tara, glancing down at a list on the desk in front of her. "Starling Blaire, take the floor."

Blaire smiles in that achingly gorgeous way that Kate has come to hate for its uncanny ability to turn her legs into jelly, and flounces her way up to the front of the room.

If it's even possible, Blaire's goofy grin widens.

"Starlings, I'll be brief," a flash of uncertainty crosses Blaire's face before quickly being replaced by the purest of joy. Whatever is making Blaire this happy, Kate wants in.

"Simply put, I'm in love."

Kate is ninety nine percent that in that moment, her world stopped. A smattering of catcalls and "awws" fills the practice room and Jennifer, who is seated at Kate's right, elbows her hard in the ribs and grins at her excitedly. An all-encompassing warmth floods Kate's veins and her eyes go wide, staring unwaveringly at Blaire, whose face is morphed into a beautiful mix of lovestruck and uncertainty. Kate realizes that she wants nothing more than to see that look from Blaire everyday for the rest of their lives. She looks so unsure and nervous, yet so deeply in love that Kate's heart wallops painfully in her chest. Blaire had often joked, while blubbering over that week's soppy rom-com, that she had far too many feelings for her own good. Now Kate understands.

"I'm not really good at talking about my feelings," says Blaire, her eyes flickering to Kate in a way that causes an involuntary hitch in her breath. "I'm much better at singing them."

But, I could use a little help," she continues, gesturing to the rest of the Starlings and painting on that familiar confident smile.

"Which is why I'm asking to enlist the Starlings to help serenade this individual, in song," Blaire hesitates a little, the corners of her mouth turning up ever so slightly, "Off campus."

The uproar is comic and Kate is left with little headspace to process this new information. Off campus? But what would be the point of that? Unless..

Blaire helplessly pleads her case, resulting in a rather hilarious tale of Starlings past from Wendy. Kate glances over at Jenny and is confused by the look of sheer horror on her face. Performing off campus really should not be such a momentous event, the Starlings are teenaged girls for goodness' sake, they deserve a little freedom from time to time!

With an indignant huff in Jen's direction, Kate raises her hand daintily, waving in Tara's direction and earning a reproachful look.

"With respect, I believe that Blaire's request is not without merit," she begins cooly. "The Starlings are so concerned with image and tradition that sometimes I think that we miss out of opportunities to step outside our comfort zone."

A sidelong glance in Blaire's direction shows that her support has not gone unrewarded, as Blaire is looking at her with such gratitude that it nearly knocks her breath away.

With a renewed sense of purpose, she continues. Now this is about more than just Blaire, its about Kate's experiences at Crawford as an outsider looking in. "When I was in New Directions, we performed in front of hostile crowds pretty much anywhere we went. I mean, mattress stores, shopping malls, I had a cat thrown at me in a nursing home."

The Starlings giggle at that, not even stick-up-her-ass Wendy can hold a straight face, which feels like a personal triumph of sorts.

"But it gave us confidence, it kept us loose!" Kate finishes, smiling widely at Blaire and wordlessly handing her the reins once more.

"And where would this performance take place?" asks Danielle and Kate internally cheers, it seems as though her speech has not fallen on deaf ears.

Blaire grins almost dreamily, "The Gap, at the North Hills Mall."

"I'd like to call it, the Starlings' Gap Attack," adds Blaire with a flourish.

Kate's stomach flips nervously, "Why the Gap?"

"The girl I like is a Junior manager."

Kate's world crumbles.

After the meeting, Jennifer and Nicole lead Kate from the practice room with twin grips on her wrists, unyielding and yet comforting somehow. Jennifer sweeps her thumb in a soothing rhythm over Kate's pulse as Kate struggles furtively to choke down the angry tears that threaten to spill over at any moment. Blaire is nowhere to be found, no doubt holed up in her dorm clutching a picture of her beloved to her chest and squealing. The mental image makes Kate sick. Somehow Jen and Nicole manage to navigate the Crawford halls and find an empty common room. With a feeble little hiccup Kate realizes that it is the same one where she and Blaire sang Baby It's Cold Outside together and shared their first kiss under Jen and Nicole's strategically placed mistletoe. Jennifer seems to come to the same realization and she makes a sympathetic noise under her breath. The silence is deafening.

"Kate," Jennifer whispers, her voice cautious and probing, as though saying the wrong thing might tip Kate over the edge. "Kate, I'm so sorry."

Kate sniffs, nodding shakily and dropping down onto a nearby couch. Jennifer seats herself beside her, pressing their legs together and gingerly lifting a hand to rub Kate's back. Nicole hovers, eyes flickering nervously from her girlfriend's face, etched with worry and back to Kate's, who has adopted a blank stare fixed on a point somewhere in the distance.

"Kate, you don't need her," murmurs Jennifer, "you're the strongest girl I know."

Kate doesn't respond but Jen catches on, moving her hand from Kate's back to grasp at one of Kate's hands resting on her lap.

"Don't you dare go thinking that you aren't good enough for her. You're kind and funny and sweet and so much fun to be with, and if Blaire thinks she's going to be happy with this Gap girl, she's settling for second best."

Kate doesn't look convinced, so Jen continues, smiling gently, "And your looks, girl don't get me started on your looks. You have a career in modeling in your future, I'm not even kidding."

Kate smirks a little at that and nudges Jen with her shoulder.

"I do not," she croaks, her voice rough from choking back tears.

"Oh but you do!" crows Jennifer, grinning and releasing Kate's hand. "I swear to you Kate Hummel, if you aren't designing the clothes, you'll be up there on the runways making someone else's masterpiece look fifty times more breathtaking."

For a few seconds Jen thought she hadn't gotten through to her, but then Kate huffs out a self deprecating laugh and raises her eyes to meet Jen's.

"Thank you Jen," she says quietly, her strange blue-green eyes sparkling in the warm light of the common room lamps.

"Thank _you_ sweetheart," replies Jennifer and pushes up off the couch, tugging Kate along with her.

Glancing down at her phone, Jennifer grins triumphantly and grabs Kate's hand. "Now while you were wallowing, I sent my lovely girlfriend back to our room to gather supplies for an epic girl's night, no heartbreakers allowed."

Kate actually laughs at that, a real, honest to goodness giggle. Never once in her life has she ever had the pleasure of referring to anyone as a heartbreaker and it seems to put the situation into perspective. Blaire is a teenaged girl, just like herself, and her emotions and hormones and impulses are all over the place, just as Kate's are. On some days all Kate wants to do is walk hand in hand with Blaire down one of the quaint stone paths that crisscross the Crawford grounds, smiling and chatting and exchanging chaste pecks, but on other days, the urge to jump on Blaire, wrapping her legs around her waist and kissing her until they're both breathless and panting, is almost too much to bear. Kate can wait, like she always does. Patience is one of the virtues she does possess and Blaire is worth it, Blaire will always be worth it.

Girl's night turns out to be a blast. Nicole and Jennifer round up a couple of other Starling girls just so Kate won't feel like the awkward third wheel when they inevitably start canoodling halfway through the night. Dominique shows up first, toting with her a veritable trunk of makeup and makeover supplies as well an obscene tub of Vanilla Swiss Almond ice cream smuggled in from the kitchens. Next comes Fiona, the film nerd, who comes equipped with no less than twenty feel good, girl power movies. The night begins with hair and nails courtesy of Dominique (who does a mean french nail, a skill that Kate will be sure to take advantage of in the future) and ends with a dramatic retelling of Kate and Blaire's tragic love story, told by Kate herself. Everyone is entirely sympathetic, especially Fiona, who was in the process of getting over an unrequited crush herself, and Kate thinks that it was good to get it off her chest. Now people know, she isn't carrying all the weight of the confusion and longing by herself anymore.

Eventually, though, curfew sneaks up on them and Kate is left alone again with her thoughts. The other girls slip quietly out of her room, Jennifer leaving with a parting kiss to her temple and a soft smile. Kate hates feeling this desperate. The first openly gay girl she's met and suddenly she's tumbling head over heels, practically handing Blaire her heart and hoping for the best. The best, of course, never came and now she's stuck with a broken heart that nobody seems to want to piece together again. Curling in on herself, Kate feels the beginnings of tears in her eyes.

_I will not cry. I will not cry over Blaire Anderson. I will not cry. I will not cry.._

Kate repeats those words over and over in her head until exhaustion finally overtakes her and she falls into a restless sleep.

Valentine's Day comes blessedly fast and suddenly Crawford is filled to the brimming with lovestruck teenaged girls. On more than one occasion, Kate has bumped into a girl in the hallways whose nose is practically pressed to her phone screen, smiling dopily and pressing a hand over her heart. In the days leading up to February 14th, more and more Dalton boys have been appearing at odd times throughout the day, sometimes with flowers or gaudy stuffed animals decked out in some sort of red or pink accessory. 

Tara's boyfriend, who she's been with since freshman year, turns up on morning of Valentine's Day, just before class and presents Tara with a tiny jewelry box and a dozen red roses. Later at Starlings' practice, Tara had shown off her new diamond necklace and waxed poetic over her boyfriend's outstanding taste in everything. Kate didn't have the heart to tell her that Will, the boyfriend in question, recruited Kate and some of the other Starling girls to help him choose an appropriate gift, as his original plan had been to take Tara to a monster truck rally.

"Chicks love monster trucks!" he'd argued but Kate had just shook her head and dragged him in the direction of the nearest Tiffany's.

Blaire's near frightening infatuation with the Gap girl the Starlings are set to serenade has allowed Kate to avoid her pretty effectively without raising too much suspicion. Once or twice Blaire has proposed they get coffee after school like the usually do, but Kate's been able to fabricate valid excuses not to go each time, ranging from too much homework to having to call home. The song Blaire chose to sing to the Gap girl was an.. interesting selection to say the least. It was cute and bouncy in that signature Blaire Anderson way, but it was so full of euphemisms and innuendoes that Kate isn't sure she'll be able to keep a straight face when they actually have to perform it for an audience. Blaire certainly is enthusiastic enough, though. She catches fire when she performs; it is impossible to ignore her and even harder to forget her afterwards. This Gap girl sure is in for the surprise of her life.

Walking through the mall towards the Gap on Valentine's Day feels a little bit like walking to the gallows. Kate swallows nervously and glances over at Blaire who looks uncharacteristically calm, considering she's about to belt out a wildly inappropriate song to an unsuspecting girl in the middle of her place of work. Jen and Nicole are holding hands and trying not to look too in love, probably for Kate's sake or maybe because they're frolicking through a mall in the middle of homophobic Ohio. Either way, Kate hates that they have to hide their relationship. They're both very affectionate people, physically and emotionally, meaning PDA is something they both enjoy but can rarely indulge in.

Trying to fly under the radar when you're a group of twenty teenaged girls in matching school uniforms flooding an otherwise empty store, Kate learns, is nearly impossible. Blaire leads the way, tugging Kate over to a wall stacked floor to ceiling with poorly cut Gap jeans and pointing in the direction of one of the cash registers.

"There she is," breathes Blaire.

The girl is pretty in a white picket fence kind of way. Her face reminds Kate of Quinn Fabray's; she's classically beautiful, exactly the type of girl you'd want your son to bring home on his arm. Her hair is dirty blonde and ridiculously curly, even more so than Blaire's. She's got it piled atop her head in a messy bun-pony tail hybrid that could be stylish with the addition of a clip or maybe some chopsticks but instead comes across looking rushed. Kate fingers her own hair. It's naturally pin straight and she wonders offhandedly if Blaire prefers curls.

"What's her name?" Kate asks.

"Jessica," sighs Blaire, her face melting into a dazed grin.

Jessica. An entirely plain name for an entirely plain girl.

Blaire turns towards the rest of the Starlings and gives the second alto section a pointed look. Nicole pulls out a tuning fork and hits it against her thigh, finding the pitch they need and humming it quietly so that the other girls can get it in their head. Nicole then nods, and Blaire gets into position.

The altos start off with the brief introduction, sounding rich and full, just the way Blaire wanted it. Kate and the rest of the first sopranos sing the synth part, just a little embellishment that comes right before Blaire's cue to start singing the melody.

_You make me feel like I'm losing my virginity_  
The first time, every time when you touch me  
I make you bloom like a flower that you never seen  
Under the sun we are one buzzing energy

 _Let's pollinate to create a family tree_  
This evolution with you comes naturally  
Some call it science, we call it chemistry  
This is the story of the birds and the bees

_Even the seasons change  
Our love still stays the same_

Blaire dances over to Jessica, doing a little spin and pointing directly at her as she launches into the chorus. Jessica looks confused, then horrified and Kate steels herself for the kicked puppy look that Blaire always seems to revert to when things don't go her way. It doesn't come.

"Is it possible that Blaire has some sort of social disorder that causes her to be completely unable to take a hint?" thinks Kate wildly as she stares at Blaire in disbelief.

_You give me the hummingbird heartbeat_  
Spread my wings and make me fly  
The taste of your honey is so sweet  
When you give me the hummingbird heartbeat  
Hummingbird heartbeat

_Oh, oh, hummingbird heartbeat  
Oh, oh, hummingbird heartbeat_

_I've flown a million miles just to find a magic seed_  
A white flower with the power to bring life to me  
You're so exotic, my whole body fluttering  
Constantly craving for a taste of your sticky sweet

As soon as Blaire had made it obvious who she was serenading, Jessica had proceeded to lure Blaire into an impromptu game of cat and mouse. Jessica flits around the store, pointedly ignoring Blaire and pretending to straighten garments on display. It reminds Kate a little of Baby It's Cold Outside but minus the palpable sexual tension and plus a heavy dose of discomfort. Blaire still hasn't gotten it though, and Kate winces as she catches a glimpse of Jessica's face. She looks completely mortified, as do a lot of the Starlings who've managed to catch on as well and Kate's protective side hopes that Jessica will let Blaire down gently, at the very least.

_Even the seasons change  
Our love still stays the same_

_You give me the hummingbird heartbeat_  
Spread my wings and make me fly  
The taste of your honey is so sweet  
When you give me the hummingbird heartbeat  
Hummingbird heartbeat

 _Oh, oh, hummingbird heartbeat, hey, yeah_  
Oh, oh, hummingbird heartbeat, hey, yeah  
Oh, oh, hummingbird heartbeat  
Oh, oh, hummingbird heartbeat

Blaire finishes the song leaning on a table in front of Jessica, blinking owlishly up at her through thick lashes and smirking a little. Jessica says something and Blaire nods, still smiling and trots happily out of the store. Most of the Starlings follow, but Kate hangs back until she feels a hand on her lower back and she jumps, whirling around to face Jennifer and Nicole who are regarding her with identical looks of pity.

"Go get her sweetheart, she's going to need a shoulder to cry on," says Nicole quietly.

Kate nods slowly, eyes downcast, "I just hate that that's what I've been reduced to."

"She'll come around Kate, give her time," reminds Jennifer, her eyes wise and understanding.

"I will, Jen, I always will," bites Kate, shaking her head and trying futilely not to sound too bitter.

Kate finds Blaire leaning up against the wall outside of the Gap, her face vacant and eyes wide. Kate walks over slowly, smiling cautiously when Blaire looks up momentarily and notices her. Blaire returns the smile weakly and Kate slumps down to the ground beside her, pulling Blaire down too so that they're both seated.

They sit in silence for what seems like ages, both girls staring straight ahead, their hands folded firmly in their laps.

"That bad, huh?"

Blaire doesn't respond.

"Sweetheart-" Kate begins but Blaire cuts her off.

"I try so hard," she says, her voice hoarse.

"What do you mean?" prompts Kate quietly.

"I try so hard. To make people like me. They never do."

Kate's face falls, "Blaire, everyone likes you. The Starlings, everyone at school. We all love you." _I love you_.

"My parents don't. Jessica doesn't," Blaire's voice is utterly devoid of emotion and Kate's heart plummets. "I go to an all girl's school and I haven't even had my first kiss with a girl yet."

"We kissed at Christmas, remember?"

"Yea Kate, but I've never been kissed by anyone who feels anything for me besides friendship, it doesn't count unless they like you back."

_I like you back, does that mean our kiss counted? It counted for me. Of course it counted for me. I love you Blaire, I love you so much it scares me sometimes._

Kate shocks herself by reaching out and taking Blaire's hand and squeezing reassuringly, "Let me buy you lunch. We'll go to that pizza place you like and pig out. My treat."

Blaire gives Kate a watery smile and allows herself to be pulled up.

"Thank you Kate," murmurs Blaire, "I'm sorry if I'm being a bother. I've probably been horrible to spend time with lately. Jessica just kind of drove me crazy I guess."

_You're never a bother. I'll always look forward to spending time with you, it's the best part of my day._

"Don't put yourself down like that," says Kate, her voice firm. "You're amazing Blaire."

Blaire's eyes grow wide and she looks like she is about to say something, but instead she just smiles bashfully and loops her arm through Kate's, "You're pretty amazing yourself, Miss. Hummel."

Kate tosses her hair behind her shoulder, "I really am, aren't I?"

"Oh shut up, you," quips Blaire with a scowl and shoves Kate's arm.

"You'll come to accept my perfection someday, my dear," Kate sniffs and drags Blaire in the direction of the food court.

Greasy food and ice cream are the only two surefire ways to mend a broken heart and Kate knows that Blaire isn't the only one in need of fixing.

Over pizza and cups of nonfat frozen yogurt (they had to draw the line somewhere) Blaire and Kate devise a plan to rescue the train wreck of a holiday that Valentine's Day had become. Breadstix is eager to get some live entertainment to class the place up a bit, so when Kate and Blaire approach the floor manager with their plan, she agrees instantly. The Starlings are always itching to perform, so convincing them isn't a problem, and they already have more than enough love songs tucked up their sleeves to throw together a reasonable setlist.

That night, the girls (plus various significant others and parents) arrive at Breadstix decked out in all combinations of red, pink and white imaginable. Kate is wearing a white dress with a sweetheart neckline and an A-line skirt that shows off her legs nicely. To keep with the Valentine's day theme, she's accented it with red pumps, a red cardigan and a red hairband. She feels classically dressed, almost conservative, seeing as most of the clothes she wears make much more of a statement but any hesitation is completely wiped from her mind when she sees the look on Blaire's face when she twirls to give her a 360 degree view.

"You look beautiful Kate," she breathes, her voice almost reverent.

Kate melts, "You look beautiful too."

And Blaire does, she really does. Her hair falls in dark waves to just below her shoulders, she's obviously used the Moroccan oil Kate had given her, and she has it pinned back away from her face with a white rose shaped clip. Her dress is bright red, and Kate would have called it shapeless if it weren't for the black belt Blaire had wrapped around her ridiculously thin waist. Blaire is such a _woman_ ; she has large, shapely breasts and a tiny waist, flowing seamlessly into wide hips and strong, muscled legs. Her perfect hour glass figure is enviable. Kate herself is all straight lines and gangly limbs. She feels like a stick insect standing next to Blaire, completely and totally insufficient, a mortal woman beside a greek goddess.

"Do you like my shoes?" asks Blaire, eyes bright and hopeful. "I thought of you when I bought them.

Kate looks down and is pleasantly surprised to see a pair of black and white oxford pumps, completely unlike anything she's seen Blaire wear before.

"Very chic," Kate says with a grin. "They definitely earn the Kate Hummel stamp of approval."

Blaire beams.

They enter the restaurant, arms linked together in a manner that has become routine for them, and are greeted by a horde of squealing girls, all set on complimenting both Kate and Blaire on everything from their dresses to their hair to the color of their nail polish.

"You two would make the sweetest couple," gushes Tracy, an overexcitable Starling whose hair is done up in what might be the most unattractive pigtails Kate has ever seen.

Despite her ridiculous hairdo, Kate has to blush at Tracy's observation and she almost groans as Blaire does the same and retracts her arm from where it was tightly locked with Kate's. All of a sudden, Wendy, Tara and Danielle pop up, seemingly out of nowhere and announce that the girls have to take their positions to begin their set. The Starlings bustle off in the direction of the risers set up on the makeshift stage, but Blaire lingers, looking at Kate as if she's seen a ghost.

"Blaire, are you okay?" Kate asks, the apprehension evident in her voice.

Blaire blinks, "Yea, yea I'm fine."

Kate isn't convinced, but she follows Blaire to the front of the restaurant and takes her place with the rest of the first soprano section.

They move through their set fairly quickly, not pausing for applause between songs, and soon they've reached the last song they've rehearsed, _Seasons of Love_ from Rent. Kate has actually been given a solo in this one, as she's the only member of the Starlings comfortable enough with her upper range to reach some of the high notes sung by the character of Joanne in the musical. Blaire is singing a modified version of Collins' part and in her head, Kate imagines they're singing a romantic duet, just the two them, eyes locked and hands clasped. The entire choir starts out the song together with only a few of the second sopranos emulating the distinct notes usually played by a piano and Dominique beat boxing to replace the drums.

_Five hundred twenty-five thousand_  
Six hundred minutes,  
Five hundred twenty-five thousand  
Moments so dear

_Five hundred twenty-five thousand  
Six hundred minutes  
How do you measure, measure a year?_

_In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights  
In cups of coffee  
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife_

_In five hundred twenty-five thousand  
Six hundred minutes  
How do you measure a year in the life?_

The alto section touches on their lower register to cover the part usually sung by the men of the cast, harmonizing beautifully with the upper parts, their voices dancing together and filling every corner of the small restaurant.

_How about love? How about love?  
How about love? Measure in love_

_Seasons of love  
Seasons of love_

When it's her turn to sing, Kate steps down from her place on the risers to stand in front of the rest of the girls harmonizing behind her. Her voice carries over their resounding " _oohs_ " and " _ahs_ " and she plays around with the lyrics, adding a couple of vocal runs and smiling when the audience cheers.

_Five hundred twenty-five thousand_  
Six hundred minutes  
Five hundred twenty-five thousand  
Journeys to plan

 _Five hundred twenty-five thousand_  
Six hundred minutes  
How do you measure the life  
Of a woman or a man?

Blaire steps out beside her when Kate finishes her solo and twines their fingers together, squeezing gently. Her voice is warm and rich, completely unlike Kate's clear soprano, but it suits the song well and Kate grins as Blaire holds her last high note, perfectly in tune.

_In truths that she learned_  
Or in times that he cried  
In bridges he burned  
Or the way that she died

 _It's time now to sing out_  
Though the story never ends  
Let's celebrate  
Remember a year in the life of friends

As the last refrain of the song begins, Kate joins in above the rest of the choir to sing the descant, her bell-like voice soaring over the melody. As she belts out her last note, possibly the highest note she's even sung in the context of a song, Kate feels Blaire squeeze her hand again and she glances over to see Blaire grinning at her, eyes bright with what could be tears.

_Remember the love_  
(Oh you got to, you got to remember the love)  
Remember the love  
(You know that love is a gift from up above)  
Remember the love  
(Share love, give love, spread love)

_Measure in love  
(Measure, measure your life in love)_

_Seasons of love  
Seasons of love_

_(Measure, measure your life in love)_

As the last notes of the song fade out, the Breadstix patrons erupt into thunderous applause accompanied by a generous smattering of hooting and whistling coming from the back tables. Kate glances towards where the noises must have been coming from and gasps as she sees what must be most of the New Directions crammed uncomfortably into two booths, all waving furiously in her direction, huge smiles on their faces. It feels like something out of a dream as Blaire tugs her forward and forces her into an awkward curtsy. As the Starlings begin to file off the risers, skipping off to settle into the laps of their boyfriends or to recount their performance to overly eager parents, Blaire yanks Kate into a tight hug.

"Kate, your voice, it takes my breath away," Blaire whispers, still holding Kate firmly in her arms. "Go see your friends, show them what they're missing."

Kate chuckles, and then reluctantly pulls away.

"Come meet them?" Kate asks tentatively, and Blaire's smile wavers.

"I think you should see them alone tonight so you can make amends, you know?" explains Blaire. "But I will meet them, soon, I promise."

Kate nods and then hugs Blaire again, quickly this time.

"What was that for?" Blaire asks with a giggle.

"To thank you," Kate answers simply, "for being you."

Blaire blushes and her brow furrows slightly, "I'm the one who should be saying thank you. You were so supportive of me throughout this whole Jessica debacle and I owe you so much Kate, I really do."

"You owe me nothing Blaire. Just promise me you won't fall in love again too soon because I need some time to recover," jokes Kate, eliciting quick, breathy laugh from Blaire.

"Go see you friends you goof, they're waiting for you," says Blaire, giving Kate an unceremonious shove towards the New Directions, who are still clustered at the back of the restaurant, glancing over at Kate expectantly.

With a parting glance, Kate cautiously approaches her friends, greeting them with a small wave.

"Hi guys, um, I didn't think I'd see you here-"

Suddenly a pair of thick arms are clamped around her shoulders and she's being lifted off the ground and spun around in a tight circle. She barely has time to squeak before she's set on her feet again and the familiar face of Finn Hudson is beaming down at her.

"Hey little sis! Long time no see," he booms and Kate winces as his voice carries throughout the entire room.

"Hi Finn, good to see you too," she gasps, still recovering her breath from Finn's bone crushing hug.

"I have crazy great news, like the best news ever. Mom and Burt told me not to tell you 'cause it was supposed to be a surprise for when you came home next weekend but since you're here I-"

"Finn!" Kate interrupts and the boy in question blinks down at her, looking slightly put off. "What's the news?"

"My mom and your dad are getting married!"

Kate's jaw drops, "Really?"

"Really, really!" exclaims Finn.

"Oh, wow, this is- wow," Kate breaths, struggling to wrap her head around the idea. Married? Her dad and Carole are going to get married?

"Aren't you excited?" Finn asks, sounding slightly worried.

"No- I mean, yes of course I'm excited!"

"Cool." Finn seems relieved. "I'm really happy for them, I mean, they're super in love."

"That's wonderful Finn, honestly, it's really, really wonderful," Kate replies and Finn gives her a wide smile.

"Let's go see the rest of the gang yea?"

Finn drags Kate over to where the rest of the New Directions have been talking amongst themselves, obviously waiting for Kate and Finn to finish having their family moment. As soon as she notices them approaching, Tina ducks out from under Mike's arm and hurls herself at Kate, wrapping her small arms around Kate's torso and holding on tightly.

"Kate, oh god, Kate, I'm so sorry, I've missed you so much, please say you'll forgive me, please, please, please," she babbles, her face still pressed into Kate's stomach.

"Hi to you too Tina," Kate drawls, but the smile is evident in her voice and Tina lets out a little squeak of contentment.

"Hey Kate, how's private school treating you?" calls Mike from where Tina left him, a pleased smile on his lips. It's obvious how much he loves Tina and seeing her this happy must be a treat for him.

"It's been good, very intellectually stimulating," replies Kate and Mike nods sympathetically. One of the first things they’d bonder over was their shared distaste for public school curriculum and Mike will understand how amazing it is to take classes that are actually somewhat of a challenge.

"I hope your brain isn't the only thing that's being stimulated," crows Santana and nods her head in Blaire's direction. "Preppy over there seems pretty eager."

"Handsy too," she adds with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

Kate rolls her eyes, "There is nothing going on between Blaire and me."

Santana doesn't look convinced and she smirks at the light blush rising on Kate's cheeks.

"We're just friends," Kate insists and Santana shakes her head sagely and returns her attention to Brittany, who is looking even more confused than usual.

"I thought the dolphin went to live in Atlantis with all the other dolphins, how did she find her way back?" Kate thinks she hears Brittany ask and she resolves quickly not to ask.

The New Directions and Kate settle back into their two booths, everyone craning to listen to Kate as she recounts her time at Crawford, filling them in on all of her life that they'd missed after she'd left McKinley. In return, they take turns getting her up to speed on the McKinley gossip, including who is dating who and what scandal Mr. Schue is involved in this week. It feels amazing to be included again, to be surrounded by familiar faces, shoulders pressed together and excited voices filling the air. Kate thinks that she could get used to this, being back with her old friends, as long as they're always this willing to accept her as fully they do right now. Glancing over at the door, Kate sees Blaire preparing to leave and she stands hurriedly, calling out to her and smiling when she turns.

"Bye Blaire!" she shouts over the din of the restaurant, waving eagerly- to which Blaire responds with her own little wave and a grin bright enough to light up the entire room.

As Blaire finally exits the building, Kate sits back down again and the New Directions dissolve into a chorus of catcalls and kissing noises, much to Kate's chagrin. Tina nudges her playfully and shoots her a wink, prompting both Quinn and Mercedes to do the same. Kate leans back in her seat, smiling serenely. Yes, she could definitely get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs sung in this chapter were Hummingbird Heartbeat by Katy Perry and Seasons of Love from Rent. Also, the chapter title and opening lyrics are from Shiver by Coldplay.

**Author's Note:**

> This has been cleaned up and moved from fanfiction.net.  
> So for some reason, I was extremely inspired by a lot of the gender swapped!Klaine art I've seen circulating around tumblr and deviantart, so I decided to add some of my writing to the mix. This was originally just going to be a sweet look at season 2 with a female Kurt (Kate) and female Blaine (Blaire) but then I started getting all these plot bunnies in my head about what season 1 would have been like if Kurt had been a female and how it would have affected his coming out experience and the end result was this monstrosity.  
> 


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